Hey guys! I wanted to update you all on where I stand with recovery right now. I mentioned in a previous post that I was struggling. Some things happened with school, and it seemed like the bad news kept coming one after another. This took a toll on me, and I reverted to what I used to give me temporary comfort: ED.
It makes sense. I am much stronger than I used to be, but slip-ups are common (I refuse to call this a relapse), and this was a very difficult situation to be in. I beat myself up for it at first, but now instead of wasting my time giving myself a pity-party, and toying with giving into ED, I’m trying to take action yet also learning to be gracious to myself. It’s a difficult balance to achieve, but I feel like I’m doing better than I was these past couple months.
This past weekend, I spent another wonderful weekend with my boyfriend, Paul, in SF. If you guys know our Instagrams, you know that we love to go out and try new foods all over California whenever we’re able to see each other. Of course, having an eating disorder does make this difficult at times. I wrote an article about it if you want to read it here.
This weekend though, I realized what it truly meant to be balanced again in terms of food. With this slip-up, I’ve noticed the orthorexia crept back into my head, and convinced me vegetables was the main substance I needed, and if I had anything else, it must still be “healthy.”
However, this past weekend, I was reminded of what it truly meant to be healthy. I remembered that this meant not restricting yourself from foods that you enjoy, truly being in the moment with good company and good food, savoring delicious meals, treating yourself to sweets just because, and not constantly worrying about going to the gym to exercise.
I decided to break this post into 3 more parts (4 parts in total) to really touch on what I was feeling with each meal. I know that when I was just starting my recovery journey, I was in desperate search for detailed descriptions of how people could possibly eat out and not feel guilty, or tips on how to lessen the guilt. I hope these in-depth descriptions of how I dealt with going out to 7 places in 1 weekend helps others as much as I believe it would have helped me!